On the way there.....

Sometimes I'm right there.  Right on the verge of saying something I've never said to someone in that way.

To my family, yes.
To my friends, yes.

And then my head gets tangled.

What does it mean?
Will it change us?
If so, am I afraid of whatever that change will be?

Does he?
Is it only me?
If so, what's the point of saying it?

Will Sir like it.
Will Sir not like it.

Will I be hurt?
Will it seem silly?

Do I?
Do I even know it's true?
How would I even know it's true?

Will it change me?
Will it?

What if it's not true for Sir?

What if he laughs?
What if he says something that hurts my feelings

What if he says nothing?

What if?

What if it's not true for Sir?
Does that change it for me?
So what if it's not true for Sir?

Why do I think I have to say it?

Seriously, let, why are you so fucked up about this?
Why can't you just say it?

Maybe I just need to say it.
Maybe I just need to stop all the analyzing and just say it.
Maybe none of the other stuff matters.
Maybe for my own sake, I need to just say it.
Maybe it's another wall coming down.
Maybe I just need to do it.
Maybe.

Sometimes.....

                                               I have to stop myself from saying it.


That makes me feel.....

                                                                         Sad.

What if it messes us up?

Dammit...why do I tear up when I think about it?

What if this post never gets published?
Because it will NEVER be published before I say it...

I skirt around it all the time.
...being your's, Sir.
...being with you, Sir.
...you putting me to bed, Sir.
...pleasing you, Sir.
...making you happy, Sir.
...what you do to me, Sir.

Everything but.....

Who am I fooling?

Am I deceiving myself?
Not saying it makes it not so?
Keeps me safe?

Who am I fooling?

OMG....does he already know?
OMG...does he?
Already know?

and then we watch a tv show where it's one of the scenarios.
I want to ask, "what do you think about that, Sir."
fear strikes. a line in the dialogue.
you have to break up.
no relationship can work when one does and one doesn't.

 It's just a tv show.

I do.  I do. I do.

I do.

And. Simple as that.  It's said.  It's out

And I'm there.

Love & SSO