Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'm Deeper Than I Thought

Or, for another title, "How Did He Slip That In?"

Hmmmm...both those titles could totally go somewhere else...but, I will continue on my original course.

I've been with Sir for 22 months.  It seems like yesterday.  It seems like forever.

We met through our blogs.  We began by just talking about  the lifestyle.  We talked about "life" stuff  as well and found out we had quite a bit in common.  Simple things like both living in a coastal city, loving the beach, birthdays one day apart.  And more complicated stuff.  The difficult stuff.  We had that in common as well.  Maybe that is why we connected so quickly, so well.  We understood each other.

When he first became my Sir, it was only sexual.  He controlled the sexual aspects of my life.  I couldn't play with myself, orgasm, anything without first asking him. When we first met, it was a busy, busy time for Sir at work so we were limited in how often we could connect. Because of that, I was allowed to request these things and if he didn't respond in 15 minutes, I was allowed.  As I've written before, I've never asked for permission.  I think it's because in those first months I knew he wouldn't be able to respond within the 15 minutes and being aware of that yet asking anyway felt like I was cheating.

As time has gone by, Sir has added requirements to my day to day activities. He's added some rituals. He's given me a few rules.  He's told me what to wear a few times. It's gone way beyond sexual and has been for a very long time.

Which brings we to today.  Something happened today that made me realize I'm deeper than I thought.

Sir and I Instant Message each other during the day when I am at work.  We were chatting this morning when Sir told me he was going to have lunch with a friend.

Maybe I should back up and give some background on what prompted this particular chat.  My job has been horrible lately. Abysmal.  Literally going from loving it to hating it overnight.  No, shorter than that.  In the length of time to make one announcement.  180° directional maladjustment. Because of that, and because I freakin' miss Sir so much when we're apart, I've considered moving to where Sir is and have done some research on what's available in the area.

So, back to the story.... Because this friend Sir was having lunch with is kind of influential in the city where Sir lives, I IM'd Sir and said, "Ask him he if has the inside on any jobs in the area."  Sir responded, "LOL." The sentence was in jest.  Totally.

But, it had already happened.  I had just realized I was deeper than I thought.  It almost made me sick to my stomach that I had told Sir to do something.  Truth be told, I probably have in the past.  I'm sure in the course of these 22 months there has been at least one or two imperative sentences.  But, today was totally different.  As soon as I hit send and saw the sentence on the screen, it felt wrong.  I felt out of line.  I felt something.  Something I've not felt before.  Deeper than I thought.

It's probably been blatantly obvious that this is way past just sexual.  Has been for a very long time.  My question is, "How did he slip that in?"

Love & SSO

Saturday, February 9, 2013

It Is Mine

You may know what I’ve been through
You may have even been through similar yourself,
You may know all the things that have happened to me
Every blow by blow
Every bruise and wound
Every scar left behind

But, you don’t know the sorrow of my soul
That is unique to me
It has been my own

Likewise, you may know what I’ve overcome
You may have even overcome as well
You may know every demon I’ve battled
Every war I’ve won
Every release and freedom I’ve been given
Every healing I’ve known

But, you don’t know the joy of my soul
That is unique to me
It is my own

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I Never Would Have Admitted It

In a Thousand Billion years I never would have admitted
That I needed someone.
That I needed him.

Never in a Thousand Billion years would I have dreamed
That I wanted someone.
That I wanted him.

Never in a Thousand Billion years would I have guessed
That I would love someone.
That I love him.

Love and SSO