Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What is this feeling?

At first I thought this might be culture shock.  But, to experience culture shock you have to have entered the culture.  I haven't experienced this lifestyle on any level, really.  Just curious. Alright, I'm more than curious.  I'm trying to find my blueprint.  I always look for a blueprint.  I want to know the specific steps, actions, procedures required to get something accomplished.  I always think I am going to remove unknown contingencies surrounding something by researching it, studying it, analyzing it.  That's just not going to happen here, is it?  Truth be told, it's never really happened for me anyway.

So what is this feeling?  It's akin to standing at the foot of a mountain, knowing that's my learning curve.  Knowing it's going to have to be climbed.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Give and Take

I needed to give what you didn't know how to take.
I needed you to take what I didn't know how to give.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Simply Complicated

I always hesitate when someone says, "So, tell me about yourself." I suppose that tells one of the foremost things about me -- I'm not an easy person to get to know.  I suppose if I were a crustacean I would be a clam.  Are clams crustaceans?  Oh well, you know what I mean.  No clams aren't crustaceans.  They are molluscs.  Which tells you a second prominent thing about me.  I can't stand to be in the dark, so to speak, on a matter.  If I don't know the answer, I will research until I find the answer.  This attribute often leads me into trouble because some people tend to see me as having to always prove my point.  (Well, maybe that is true. Maybe I don't know how to just let things go!)  To me it is more about resolving discrepancies.  Still, I don't like that this tendency is often a point of conflict because I truly, truly dislike being misunderstood.  This is probably because one of my deepest desires is to be known.  Just to be known.  To be able to live bared and transparent and just know that I am known.  And that, I have found, is simply complicated.