Sunday, April 1, 2012

Boarding the Crazy Train

Ozzy isn't the only person who rides that train.  Sometimes I've been known to get on board myself.  In fact, I took a short trip on the Crazy Train last weekend.

Sir has been putting me to bed earlier so that I can get more sleep.  I had just reached a breaking point because I was getting 6 hours of sleep a night.  I was feeling it mentally and physically.  Becoming nearly unable to function.  I asked Sir for an earlier bedtime.  I suppose my ride on the Crazy Train stemmed from hidden guilt for that.

Last weekend Sir was putting me to bed, like he does every night.  This particular day though, I had been busy and we had little time to connect.  It was the weekend and I had friends over as well.  They usually leave pretty late.  Well past my new bed time.  So after they left, I called Sir.  We had a really abbreviated play time and then he put me to bed.  We have a ritual.  He puts me to bed telling me to think about all the ways he has me serve him.

Nothing unusual.  Except Sir, quite innocently, added two little words to something he says every night.  I immediately interpreted what he said as displeasure with me.  And promptly presented my boarding pass to the Crazy Train.

I don't think I slept at all that night.  I tossed and turned.  Sick, really, that I had caused Sir to be upset with me.  However, sometime around 4:00 in the morning, I managed to convince myself that I was being unreasonable.  And I also knew I was going to have to tell Sir about my short ride on the Crazy Train.  He really, really insists on me telling him when I'm struggling or having problems.  I know that shouldn't be a problem,'s a HUGE deal for me.

When I called Sir the next morning I was so torn.  I didn't want to ruin the day by telling him about my irrational reaction, but I just couldn't continue without telling him.  So before we had a little fun and got on with our days, I told Sir I needed to talk to him.


I felt sick to my stomach.  I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't play without telling him.

That's an improvement I suppose.  Before I would have just bottled it inside for days.

I feel silly, really.  Having to confess like that.  Sir is always so reassuring, though.  Telling me how pleased he is that I told him.   He helps me so much to be more open.  To be able to trust.

He's told me before that I'm his dream.  He's mine really.  I feel so incredibly lucky to be his good girl.



  1. That craze train makes stops in a lot of places! When Master and I were first beginning, I would send Him an email, in the middle of the night, trying to get off that train. If I awoke without a reply, it was a long ride. Have not done that in a couple years, but I think it is something we all go through. abby

    1. Good that you haven't rode the train in a couple of years!! I hope it gets better for me as well.

  2. I agree with abby, we all ride that train on occasion. Good for you for speaking up :)

    1. Opening up about my emotions is one of the hardest things for me to do. Sir has helped me so much in that area.

  3. Glad you were able to stop the cycle and talk it out with your Sir. I'm sure he was understanding.


    1. Sir is always so understanding, patient and supportive.