Sir has controlled not only my orgasms, but any touching/playing with myself since I submitted to him. I can orgasm or touch myself if I ask permission first. Additionally, if I have to text or email him to ask permission and he doesn't respond within 15 minutes, he has given me permission to go ahead and play with myself or orgasm.
And the number of times I have asked permission within the (close to) 4 months since I've been with Sir?
I just can't seem to bring myself to ask to do so. Not because I have problem asking Sir for anything. That's not the issue at all. There are a couple of reasons why I've never asked permission.
The first reason I've never asked is because I feel like I would be taking something away from Sir if I asked. I've given him control of my orgasms -- every sexual aspect of my life really. I feel if I ask permission because I want it, I am taking that control back. Even though he set "the rule" (I really don't have rules) in place, I just can't do it. And I do understand asking permission is his control, I just can't seem to be able to do it because I feel I am taking something away from Sir.
Another reason I can't bring myself to ask permission is because since I've submitted to Sir, I haven't orgasmed or touched myself without his direction or instruction. That is not to say that I haven't orgasmed without being with Sir. Because Sir has been super busy with work, he has me play with myself/orgasm after dinner and when I shower to keep me focused on my submission. So although Sir has not been there when I've orgasmed/played with myself, it was still under his control and at his direction. It has created an incredible connection between receiving pleasure, my submission and what makes Sir happy/Sir's control. So I just can't seem to get through the barrier that if I initiate by asking permission one of those elements is missing and it would result in a renegade orgasm. One not under Sir's control.
This may not make total sense. What I do know is that I get this lost, almost lonely, feeling when I even think about asking permission. My first thought is, "What if he can't respond in 15 minutes?" It's at that point when I know I just can't do it without absolutely knowing it would be what Sir wants too.