Sir has controlled not only my orgasms, but any touching/playing with myself since I submitted to him. I can orgasm or touch myself if I ask permission first. Additionally, if I have to text or email him to ask permission and he doesn't respond within 15 minutes, he has given me permission to go ahead and play with myself or orgasm.
And the number of times I have asked permission within the (close to) 4 months since I've been with Sir?
Exactly.........ZERO.
I just can't seem to bring myself to ask to do so. Not because I have problem asking Sir for anything. That's not the issue at all. There are a couple of reasons why I've never asked permission.
The first reason I've never asked is because I feel like I would be taking something away from Sir if I asked. I've given him control of my orgasms -- every sexual aspect of my life really. I feel if I ask permission because I want it, I am taking that control back. Even though he set "the rule" (I really don't have rules) in place, I just can't do it. And I do understand asking permission is his control, I just can't seem to be able to do it because I feel I am taking something away from Sir.
Another reason I can't bring myself to ask permission is because since I've submitted to Sir, I haven't orgasmed or touched myself without his direction or instruction. That is not to say that I haven't orgasmed without being with Sir. Because Sir has been super busy with work, he has me play with myself/orgasm after dinner and when I shower to keep me focused on my submission. So although Sir has not been there when I've orgasmed/played with myself, it was still under his control and at his direction. It has created an incredible connection between receiving pleasure, my submission and what makes Sir happy/Sir's control. So I just can't seem to get through the barrier that if I initiate by asking permission one of those elements is missing and it would result in a renegade orgasm. One not under Sir's control.
This may not make total sense. What I do know is that I get this lost, almost lonely, feeling when I even think about asking permission. My first thought is, "What if he can't respond in 15 minutes?" It's at that point when I know I just can't do it without absolutely knowing it would be what Sir wants too.
You have to TRUST when your Sir tells you something, it is SO. I have had to learn that. HE has TOLD you that it is OK for you to ASK, and then if he cannot respond, it is OK for you to go ahead and pleasure yourself. He has GIVEN you that permission already.
ReplyDeleteHe is STILL controlling your pleasure/orgasms.
Maybe when you climax, you could whisper or moan his name? That might help you feel closer to him. And focus on HIM during your playing and that may help too.
Don't feel badly about asking him. I think HE will feel more Dominant too if he knows that you want HIM, can't have him at that moment, but would still like to cum for HIM. And, if he can't respond within the 15 minutes, he has already given you permission to cum.
Just think of how wonderful it will be when you describe your playtime to him afterward! Don't be hard on yourself.
Take care, Sky
Ooooh, I like the idea of calling his name. I have done that and found it works surprisingly well.
ReplyDeleteThe rule for me used to be of he can't respond, the answer is NO...so I suppose it could be worse :-)
@Sky - I think the idea of describing my playtime to Sir is a very good idea. Sir loves to hear me describe my directed playtime. In fact, one of the requirements for my after dinner "dessert" is to email Sir a description of the playtime.
ReplyDelete@baby girl - Yes, calling his name when I cum works surprising well!!!
Thank you both for visiting by blog and for your comments.
I guess I should clarify that I'm in no way deprived of pleasure or cumming. Sir leaves me completely sated. I have far more orgasms now than I've ever had in my life.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, Sir makes sure he takes everything he wants from me. And leaves me exhausted.
I did something similar when I was with Mr. C -- and I cut out self play altogether
ReplyDeletewhich was not what he wanted
he wanted me to call him
to beg
to let him know I wanted it
I wanted him
he knows it's tough for you to ask
I talked to M about this -- and he said -- "yes -- I would want you to ask -- that would give me much pleasure to know you wanted it -- me -- that much"
perhaps you are denying him what he wants by failing to play his game.
my two cents
sfp
@sfp,
ReplyDeleteYour post really got me thinking, "am i denying Sir by not asking permission?" I talked to Sir about your post. Asked if I was denying him anything. I REALLY wouldn't want to do that. He actually said he is okay with me not asking. He feels he has me in a "mental chastity belt" because I don't ask if I know he isn't available to give permission. He feels it shows that I've given him complete control.
I know he would feel differently if I were not asking because I didn't want to ask or not do what he told me. However, I stay connected with Sir via chat or email most of the day. And I pretty much know the times he would not be available. It's those times that I feel like I would be giving myself permission because he would not be available to give permission.
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